I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
