Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
