They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
