I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
This is the high leading the old right now
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
