I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
