Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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