before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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