i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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