Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
