I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
