Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
