And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
