Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
