I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Randomize
