I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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