areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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