there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
So. Much. Porn.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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