oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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