1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
