on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
