It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Randomize
