she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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