you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Randomize
