last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
