I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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