Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
