Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
