Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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