is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
