how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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