me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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