Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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