Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
