even my farts smell like vagina
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
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