I need to stop coming to work sober
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
