true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
