Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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