Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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