clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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