Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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