I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
