oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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