i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Randomize
