Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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