Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
