I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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