no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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