Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
