so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
