I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
