If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
