dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
