i just sent this text using only my big toe
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
