Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
