He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
