I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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