i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
