You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize