In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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