i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
