i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
