I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
