I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
