dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Randomize
