finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
