I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
