Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
