i jhust puked up my retainher.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
