I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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