If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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