I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
