Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
