There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
