yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I checked into jail on foursquare
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
