Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
