I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
