dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
