What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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