if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
