ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Vodka?
Forever.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
