I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
