i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
