she woke up with a sticky ear
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
