Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
