Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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