Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
