i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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